young_oldman | IC Inbox: Empatheias

There's a world of difference between finding closure and stifling your emotions.

[Take it from him Red. He had to learn this lesson the hard way.]

One helps you move on. The other only buries your hurt deeper within you.

It's alright if you're not ready to talk now, but don't disregard dialogue as an option. The therapists at the hospital will keep all their discussions with you confidential, if you're worried about what Silver will think of you.

I'm not. [ It comes after a moment, the same one that he seems conflicted by the words, but that much comes to mind. And then, another pause. ] He's happy... I won't get in the way of that.

[ For him or the man he and Alvin cared about, as best as he could. It was a big city, and there was no reason for them to see each other. Not really.

And that was an easier decision than that of doctors, hospitals or therapists, when he only knew those things when it came to illnesses and broken bones. ]

I understand that desire. You wish to be a good friend to Silver, to keep your conflict away from him so that he can remain happy, even if it comes at your own expense.

But it's a risky gambit to take, Red, with unpleasant consequences for you and for your friends should they find out that you've been putting this burden solely upon yourself. [He spent the entire month of Exi (aka September) being yelled at by people for not being open about his problems, and strained his relationships with two of the kids he cares about. Oh, and Sosyne happened, which was the straw that broke the camel's back.]

Will you not consider at least speaking to someone completely unrelated to any of the parties involved?

[ Would he? It's a consideration that chills at his arms, and there's a few many reasons that his mind can make him believe he has against the plan, but he doesn't let them stay the only voice. It's an awkward pause, his breathing still deep through it. ]

I...don't how to... [ It sounds stupid, and there's a squeeze of frustration on his features at he tries to figure out how to explain it. But how would the 'I've never done it before...I've never talked to a doctor about this kind of thing' in his head be any better or useful, or less humiliating to admit?

It's a worry that stays short-lived however, when Red realises that his thoughts might not be so private as he would like, and he feels that heat of embarrassment on his skin that he'd been trying to avoid, his mind finally attempting to shut away that connection, just in case it still existed. ]

It isn't easy. [Even after a few months of therapy, Lu Meng still finds it hard to open up about his fears and insecurities. Living with an emotional health caretaker has definitely helped in that regard, but really, he owes a lot of his improvement right now to Sanae and Alvin. These two have seen him at his worst but instead of judging him and deeming him weak, they became his pillars of support, the voices of reason against the dark despair within him.

It's really only to these two that Lu Meng is willing to air his true thoughts. He can't do it fully with anyone else, not without fighting back that evil voice in his head that whispers about how weak he's become, about how he's shamed his lord and his teachers.]

It took me months and I still struggle with accepting that I'm no less a man for confessing my fears and my insecurities. I was brought up to believe that such things are a weakness. That a strong man is one that ignores such emotions and keeps them within, to not bother those around him.

It turns out that it's far harder to openly confront your emotions and to share them with others. But it can be done. I promise.

[ Red breathes, but it's perhaps the first one that isn't entirely drawn out, and while it trembles so does the rest of him, shakes that aren't going to leave his body yet. He doesn't think just on the off-chance it's not safe, but that leaves a feeling like a wall in his head, where saying anything becomes harder.

Ugh. ]

...I'll think about it. [ Up a hand goes, wiping away at his face, blotchy yet drained on colour in the places red doesn't speck it. ] I'll...I'll see if there's anyone.

IC Inbox: Empatheias

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