young_oldman | IC Inbox: Empatheias

[Lu Meng had given Red some time to calm down while he cleared up the mess and dealt with the native Enforcers who had arrived upon hearing about the commotion. Lu Meng had cast it as a misunderstanding between the boys, and confirmed that no one had been hurt, and no he didn't intend to press any charges against them...all while ignoring the sting of the burns on his arm, when Red had set the lanterns alight above and he'd had to shield his face from some of the sparks.

It's only then that he returns to be at the boy's side. He's not angry at the two, because he knows Red's nature and Red would never have willingly wanted to hurt Emizel. And Emizel wouldn't have wanted to hurt Red either, there was no reason for either of them to have gotten into that fight. But Red's reaction --screaming vulgarities and threatening everyone to stay away, causing rot and fires as his fear and anger grew, and then suddenly snapping back into the more familiar Red that abhorred killing and was friendly to all--, that told him enough about the situation to know what had gone down between the two.

So he's mindful when he approaches Red. Not too close, because he doesn't know how Red is feeling about personal space at the moment, but not too far that Red might feel the deliberate gap between them. It's a balancing act, but Lu Meng has this down on a lock.] Do you mind if I take a sit next to you? [He asks, his voice serious and firm, yet carrying a hint of gentleness and care behind it.]

[ Lu Meng comes in just close enough to catch in Red's line of sight, and he tips up his chin to meet him, quiet for a moment before giving him a shake of his head in response and looking to one of his sides, though either would be fine for the man to take. His presence might mean something, a reason to feel the knot in his body tighten further for whatever comes next, but such a reaction doesn't come; the man was fair if anything, seemed as much as Red. And right now, for whatever questions might come, he doesn't fear them.

It's better than continuing to be left with your own.

Red waits for him to sit first, mouth pressing together meanwhile in preparation, before he lets his own questions come a moment after--slowly, and not rushed. ]

Is everyone okay? Emizel...he wasn't hurt or anything, was he? [ There was a noticeable drop then, a way the air got heavier by the emotion that followed the question. ] Was anyone hurt?

[ Apparently, those ranked higher in importance than 'what happened'. ]

[Lu Meng doesn't find it strange at all; Red has always struck him as a selfless person. The wellbeing of others would be his first priority.

Lu Meng eases into a seat next to Red.] I have some minor burns, but they're nothing to be worried about. Emizel and Shun are both unharmed. Understandably upset, [because Lu Meng isn't going to sugercoat this for Red.] but unharmed.

[And with that cleared out of the way, they can now move into the 'what happened' part of this unfortunate conversation.]

You were acting very unlike yourself, Red. What happened between you and Emizel?

[ His head snaps to Lu Meng before he can finish saying the burns are nothing major, but his continued words stop him from speaking or saying anything.

And then the concern is off his tongue, and the answer he wants to give to Lu Meng's inquiry sits on it instead. But what was an answer about 'I don't know', when it gave absolutely nothing while being the truth as well?

Red sucks in his bottom lip, before breathing out and going through the last portion of the day as he knows it. ]

We were talking... he was telling me about his home world. He told me what he wanted to do when he got back, and we were fine. Emizel was happy, and I was really happy to see that--he's been feeling down for a long time, and I couldn't remember the last time I saw him enjoy himself.

[ That part made sense. It was easy to retell what he knew. But then his head turns to face the ground, hanging slightly. ]

And then... [ ... ] ...and then-- you were there, and that other guy. Shun. Everything was burning and-- I don't know why.

[ It doesn't make him feel any better to say; just frustrated, his own confusion evident in his voice and person. ]

[Lu Meng listens to Red gravely. Red's account of what happen certainly confirms some of his suspicions.]

Is it like you've just skipped forward in time? One moment you're talking with Emizel, and then suddenly things have changed and you have no memories of what happened at all?

That doesn't happen. [ Perhaps it sounded close enough, but it wasn't satisfying. It was about as satisfying as his own 'I don't know', and his brain starts scrambling around for some missing piece as his mouth continues to speak. ]

We were talking and then you were there. Something-- had to have gone off. Something happened to that table. [ what could it be, what could it be-- ] --a firework! Maybe a firework went off and I panicked and I just-- everything happened so fast that I don't remember! I got scared and freaked everyone out!

[ It could make sense, couldn't it? He had that high energy running through his body, the way everyone was standing away from him- ]

It's alright Red, it does happen. And it's alright to be afraid of not knowing, or not being in control.

I've been there too.

Where? [ He doesn't snap it but it comes out frustrated, and that's enough for him to know to take a breath and to realise he's allowing himself to become too emotional. That won't help, and the sound of his own voice makes a dread creep onto him like frost in winter, without literally being so.

But more than likely, whatever was still in his cup was devoid of heat. ]

We were fine. We were just talking.

[ It was all he knew. ]

...Emizel accidentally lost his temper, and sent a bolt of energy at you. I didn't see that, but I saw you shaking him, shouting that you were going to make sure you wouldn't be killed. I was there for that part, so I can show you that memory if you need proof of what I'm saying.

Red, I think you had a blackout. It happens when your mind goes through immense stress because something reminded you of a terrible event, one that scarred you in the past and still does. When that happens, it triggers a flashback to that event. Your conscious mind will then shut down to help you cope with the stress; that's why you suffer a memory gap. Meanwhile, your body thinks that it's back in the past, and it reacts aggressively and violently as part of a survival instinct against the perceived threat.

[ Red doesn't speak. Lu Meng finishes and there's the room to do so, but his lips don't twitch, his mind doesn't conjure or search for words in the attempt. It's only the noise of something elsewhere that makes sure that their space isn't entirely devoid of sound, though Red can hear hear his own breathing in his ears.

He's just staring at the ground instead, quiet. What information had begun to go in his head already seems to have left; that, or he just doesn't think to focus on it. What he feels, he can't pinpoint. He isn't trying to figure out of those things.

But there's a heaviness about him that lingers, slowly growing to a point from where Lu Meng had repeated his words. That sticks with him, that he might've said it--he doesn't think to ask for the proof. Hearing the words are bad enough.

His fingers curl into the cup, nail scraping into the side in an uncomfortable, nervous act. ]

[Well, Red takes that news better than Lu Meng did. Lu Meng had outright lost his temper at the doctor...and sent him flying out of the ward when his rage manifested as a blast of energy.]

It can be treated, and you can learn ways to handle and manage your illness. [And Lu Meng uses the word 'illness', not because he wants to coddle Red, but because it is an illness, and like all forms of sickness it'll just get worst the longer it goes untreated.]

You can get better, Red. Maybe not to the way you once were, but the longer you leave this untreated, the worst your symptoms will get.

...Do you want me to clean up the mess I made? I busted that table... I can pay for it if you want. [ ... ] I should.

[ Know what Red would rather talk about, Lu Meng.

Cleaning. ]

Between the table and your wellbeing, I'd be appalled at myself if we started discussing compensation for a table.

Look, Red. I know what happened was terrifying. It's frightening to suddenly wake up and see your friends stare at you with fear and distrust. You don't want to discuss or think about it, and I know it's difficult and I don't want to push this conversation any longer. But the longer you don't get help, the higher the chances that you will eventually hurt someone.

I broke a dear friend's jaw, and I injured Emizel, and attacked Shun and Roxas. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I don't want you to have to suffer that way.

[ Ah, so Lu Meng doesn't want to talk about cleaning. What a shame.

But it's harder to take anything else more serious in and especially what Lu Meng wants to talk about, the facts that should be shocking barely registering to Red when he hears them. What was supposed to be (and was) a celebratory day has turned into this, and it squeezes at his heart inside his chest.

The paper cup suddenly wastes away halfway then, liquid spilling over Red's hands and onto his trousers and causing him to jump up from his seat. He wipes at it, his other hand balling into a fist around the remnants he still holds before he lets it drop, and he stands there with agitation on his face, a growing spike of irritation worrying him on top of everything else.

Red's silent like that for a while, before his own silence--all of this--becomes too much. ]

I can't do this right now, I just-- I want to see my pokémon. I don't want to think about any of this right now.

[ But while that might be enough, his tongue doesn't seem to want to stop there. ] I ruined his day, Lu Meng. I ruined yours. And because of something I can't remember? How? Who am I turning into?

[ Red shakes his head, wishing instantly he could take back those last words especially, the fear leaking out from him intermingled with worry. He's losing what hold he did have, and he takes a step away from the man. ]

I need to clear my head. Just let me do that.

Alright. I won't pursue the matter any further tonight. But before you go, I just want you to know.

You're not turning into anything. [Lu Meng says calmly, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket and handing it to Red.] This one incident doesn't make you a different person, you're still you. I know you won't be able to accept what I'm saying, but please know that I don't think any worse of you, and I'm not going to change my mind on what I said to you earlier.

[About how Lu Meng thinks Red is a good, caring person. Someone who strives to learn and help the people around him.]

[ Red takes the handkerchief silently but holds it--and fortunately not ruining it--without dabbing it against himself, his attention and concern elsewhere than the wet patch on his clothing. It was on Lu Meng, listening to him, knowing that what he was saying was sincere but being unable to really let it in.

And it wasn't the man's fault. Right then, Red couldn't think of any conversation from before, only a growing want to leave growing in him that was ready to animate his feet if he didn't get to it.

He at least musters a nod before he turns, a wordless thank you to Lu Meng before he's hurrying off with the handkerchief still clutched tightly in his hand. ]

IC Inbox: Empatheias

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