Yes—but not necessarily going that far. [This is where it's going to get complicated. He stands there for a moment, lips pursed slightly before he just gives a shake of his head and just runs with it.]
Take me for example. I've kind of told you a few things about my past. Despite what you may think of me now, I'm not really that great of a guy. Traitor, liar, do whatever it takes to get what I need, even if it means if someone has to die for it. Including my friends and people who trusted me. [Mmm he definitely has a rap sheet. But he talks about this casually, as if he's talking about graduating high school, finding a job—like it's just another thing that happened in his life.] That's just the type of person I was.
But you don't see me like that now, right? [Holds up a hand in a half shrug.] Now, I could have just continued like that, but I didn't want to—just like how you don't want to stay as you are right now. On the other hand, I could have gone way over to the other side, like trying to repent and live with regret and guilt for everything.
[A shake of his head.]
Not my type of lifestyle, either. Instead, I'm a realist. I could either sit around and mope, or do something about it. And the only way to do something is if you accept the shit that comes with the sparkles. That's just how life is, and that's how people really are.
So right now, you have this "inner demon," this "bad side" that you're trying to wrestle with. You see yourself as a threat, but look around. [He waves an arm to the side.] Everyone is a threat, whether they know how to use a weapon or not, and this place is even worse. You're not the only one affected by Sosyne, and I know some other strong willed minds be influenced or overtaken. [Not going to directly mention Ludger, but that's a small allusion to it.] Hell, I know I'm a big threat. You saw me back at Piphron's pod. [You know, guns ablazing?] If I had been aligned with Sosyne, who knows what could have happened.
So I get that you want to be stronger so that wouldn't happen, that you want to be able to protect those you care about—I do. But you're looking at it wrong. You haven't "become" anything. I seriously doubt you actually want to stay like this, anyway. But if you continue to fear it and let it get to you like this, then you really will become something. Instead you have to look it in the eye and say, "Hey, I know you're there. I know you want to try and control me. But I won't let you. Instead I'll just let you sit right here next to me and see how I control my life." [...Wow, that sounded. Rather motivational. How far this man has come.]
That's what I mean by "accepting" it. Just recognize that this is a thing that can happen and use it instead of letting it use you.
no subject
Take me for example. I've kind of told you a few things about my past. Despite what you may think of me now, I'm not really that great of a guy. Traitor, liar, do whatever it takes to get what I need, even if it means if someone has to die for it. Including my friends and people who trusted me. [Mmm he definitely has a rap sheet. But he talks about this casually, as if he's talking about graduating high school, finding a job—like it's just another thing that happened in his life.] That's just the type of person I was.
But you don't see me like that now, right? [Holds up a hand in a half shrug.] Now, I could have just continued like that, but I didn't want to—just like how you don't want to stay as you are right now. On the other hand, I could have gone way over to the other side, like trying to repent and live with regret and guilt for everything.
[A shake of his head.]
Not my type of lifestyle, either. Instead, I'm a realist. I could either sit around and mope, or do something about it. And the only way to do something is if you accept the shit that comes with the sparkles. That's just how life is, and that's how people really are.
So right now, you have this "inner demon," this "bad side" that you're trying to wrestle with. You see yourself as a threat, but look around. [He waves an arm to the side.] Everyone is a threat, whether they know how to use a weapon or not, and this place is even worse. You're not the only one affected by Sosyne, and I know some other strong willed minds be influenced or overtaken. [Not going to directly mention Ludger, but that's a small allusion to it.] Hell, I know I'm a big threat. You saw me back at Piphron's pod. [You know, guns ablazing?] If I had been aligned with Sosyne, who knows what could have happened.
So I get that you want to be stronger so that wouldn't happen, that you want to be able to protect those you care about—I do. But you're looking at it wrong. You haven't "become" anything. I seriously doubt you actually want to stay like this, anyway. But if you continue to fear it and let it get to you like this, then you really will become something. Instead you have to look it in the eye and say, "Hey, I know you're there. I know you want to try and control me. But I won't let you. Instead I'll just let you sit right here next to me and see how I control my life." [...Wow, that sounded. Rather motivational. How far this man has come.]
That's what I mean by "accepting" it. Just recognize that this is a thing that can happen and use it instead of letting it use you.